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Until We Have To

by Lonely Rooms

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1.
This is when you leave me alone after the news. So go, leave me alone. I can’t listen to you go on and on, like you’ll never stop. What am i going to do with you when you don’t go? You say you want me close for when the shock wears off. But I’m better off alone than when I’m not. You here, is not enough to see me through this.
2.
I’ve been getting hit, Hit from all sides. You say I must be doing something right. Oh, but I don't know. I don't know. Oh, but I don’t know what. Not everything is going according to plan. Not everything is going according to plan. Heaven help me get out of this mess. The longer I wait, The longer I wait the harder it gets. I didn’t mean for it to be like this, To be like this. Not everything is going according to plan. Not everything is going according to plan. Could be all i need is to show up, And just keep it up. With a little luck, Maybe that’s enough. But for me, for now, For me, for now, it’s too much. Not everything is going according to plan. Not everything is going according to plan. You think I am, but I’m not your friend Why can’t you understand. You want a new beginning. I pray for this to end. I pray for this to end.
3.
Out of Focus 02:30
I can’t concentrate, Keep track of all of these things, Figure out what they mean. It is too much. Too much information To make sense of the situation. So many complications. I’ve had enough. I’m taking some things out of focus To blur what i don’t want to notice. I’ll make them go away. I can adjust. Just because I can, doesn’t mean you’ll understand. I’ll lower the definition. Release some of this tension Into a new direction and practice patience. Get it together again. See some things through to the end That i’ve been promising friends For what seems ages. I’m taking some things out of focus To blur what i don’t want to notice. I’ll make them go away. I can adjust. Just because I can, doesn’t mean you’ll understand.
4.
Uncertainty 03:09
I look up and my hands are shaking with Uneasiness. So serious, That makes it so I forget To do my due diligence. You try to make it my idea, For me to go along with it. So many things that you have said have led to my embarrassment. Another one of my emergencies This can’t be happening Just For a moment I might think What you want me to believe. Then i fall back into remembering My life into uncertainty. Another one of my emergencies This can’t be happening I look up and my hands are shaking
5.
6.
You came to me for strength That I don’t have to give. I give what I get. I don't know what you expect. I give what I get, And you’ve given me Nothing. You never start the fight, And I never finish it. How long can we keep on Having this argument. How long can we keep on Without doing something. You don’t want to quit until you have to And I don’t ever want to have to stop you, But we have to. We need to stop and take it, Take it step by step. At times like this each step Should be deliberate. And it’s more times like this that i can see coming. You don’t want to quit until you have to And I don’t ever want to have to stop you, But we have to. Let's just both accept That it all depends On a little bit of grace And a lot of common sense; Coming face to face With our shortcomings. You don’t want to quit until you have to And I don’t ever want to have to stop you, But we have to.
7.
Let’s have a heart to heart. Open up. Take it apart. You caught me off guard. Yeah, you got me good. You think I’d rather be misunderstood, And maybe I would. Yeah, you got me good Thank you for reminding me of what I am supposed to be That i’ve never been. That i’ll never be. More and more, I find that I Am really just a waste of your time. It isn’t justified. All we do is fight. We both have ideas of how we Should go about Working things out. We’re both too proud To give up any ground. Thank you for reminding me of what I am supposed to be That i’ve never been. That i’ll never be.
8.
After the fight we go outside. I shouldn’t have stopped by, And brought up our past lives In the middle of the night. You were well within your rights. I was out of line. You tried to compromise. I know, I was out of line. I can’t get anything right. That’s why I can’t have anything. It’s still out and the street is quiet. Except the buzzing of the streetlight. I’m trying to apologize. I haven’t yet, but I might. You were well within your rights. I was out of line. You tried to compromise. I was out of line. Can you try to see my side? I know, I was out of line. Give me a little more time. I am out of line. I can’t get anything right. That’s why I can’t have anything.
9.
“Hey it’s me. How was your trip out West? I’m calling to see if you caught up with your parents. I know it's late. I've been thinking about what you said the other day. About how things are better out in the open. Well, I’ve had some time to clear my head. Some things should be left unsaid. We should talk, I guess. Call me when you get this.”
10.
Comeback 03:05
I take a step out in the night. I know the way, so I close my eyes. Another step and I’m outside. I could leave it all behind. It’s not the first time that i’ve tried. It’s ok. I’m alright. I turn around and I close the door. I check it twice just to be sure. I stay up and pace the floor. It’s not like it was before. Some things I can’t ignore. I don’t sleep any more. The best i do is pretend to sleep While I wait for something. Some blessing, some release, The right moment to leave. It’s something that’s between Myself and me. No alarms. No attacks. Today wasn’t that bad. I can take some comfort in that. Try and figure out where my head is at. I need strength and I find that I can Feel it coming back. I feel a comeback. Maybe the first one that I’ve had. It’s ok. I’m alright. It’s not the first time that I’ve tried. I could leave it all behind. Another step and I’m outside. I know the way, so I close my eyes. I take a step out in the night.
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Music by Joshua Quarles
Lyrics by Jonathan Vassar

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released August 14, 2020

Joshua Quarles: Keys, Synth, Drum Machine, Cello, Guitar
Jonathan Vassar: Vocals
Christina Gleixner: Vocals

All songs by Joshua Quarles and Jonathan Vassar
Produced by Joshua Quarles
Recorded, Mixed & Mastered by Joshua Quarles
Cover Photograph by Joshua Quarles

© & ℗ 2020 Fuzzycat Records

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